BOOM! CALZONES!

I mean, we're talking about some serious flavor.

Are you sitting awake in Brooklyn at three o’clock in the morning in the middle of the week wondering what the best conceivable snack for any occasion imaginable might be? Well, fear not, brave travelers, because today I introduce to you BOOM-CALZONES! Whether you’re trying to impress your girlfriend, your homeslices or your momma with impossible gastronomic glee, this is definitely the best way to do it. & if you follow these simple instructions, you will find yourself in front of a plate that maybe looks as life-changing as the one you see pictures of before you.

1} Ricotta
2} Mozzarella
3} Canned chipotle peppers
4} Three medium-sized fresh tomatoes
5} Lots of fresh cilantro
6} One lime
7} One small red onion
8} Sea salt
9} Pizza dough!

You will need pizza dough! Best (& most labor intensive) is home-made, & I’ll give you instructions for that, but if you wanna make this a bit easier on yourself you can probably buy decent dough at your local pizzeria, & if not then likely at your supermarket. Anyway, don’t do that because it won’t taste as good as if you’d made it yourself! This is how you do it.

PIZZA DOUGH RECIPE
3 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 cup water (preferably NYC tap water, but I guess you can settle if you live elsewhere)
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
½ teaspoon instant yeast
½ tablespoon salt

PIZZA DOUGH STEPS:
1) mix everything except for the flour together
2) Add that stuff to a food processor & add flour. Mix it in there really well, until it’s one uniform dough.
3) Form your dough into a sphere and coat the exterior in olive oil.Then cover it in plastic wrap and keep it in the fridge for at least 24 hours, but not longer than 48.
4) Take it out of the fridge about an hour before you want to use it. Make sure it stays wrapped up until you’re ready, and once you are, coat it with a very thin layer of flour.

First, you’re going to put your dough on a clean work surface,sprinkle flour on it, and flatten. You don’t want to use the tips of your fingers, but rather the fronts of your hands. And you want to push down and out at the same time, so that you get a unform thickness while you stretch out. You want this dough to be pretty thin.

You can use anything – if you fear a lack of consistency, a cup, mug or cookie cutter will work. If you trust your skillz, you can go ahead and use a small knife or a pizza cutter. You want to cut little circles. If they’re not perfect that’s okay, but try your best!

Take each circle individually, stretch it slightly and put your fillings (ricotta & mozzarella) in the dead center, mozzarella on top! You want to push down the fillings while you pull the back end up toward the front, so that you’re stretching the dough to its limit in the center as you bring it up front to seal it. Press your thumb down firmly in the center and work the dough on both sides until it is fully sealed. You can use a fork to make the edges look pretty and for added security afterward. Make sure to create a blowhole in the center to release pressure while they bake!

Once they’re filled, line them up on a greased baking sheet and bake at 425. After ten minutes you’ll see they’re solid. Take them out and put a thin coat of olive oil on top of each one. Bake for another 10-15 minutes until they’re golden brown on top.

While your delights are in the oven, be sure to create the following life-changing salsa.

First, wash & quarter your three tomatoes, slice half of your small red onion into little pieces, and chop up 1-3 chipotles depending on your personal tastes (1 will create a smokey hint and a tiny bit of spiciness; 2 will make for notable spiciness, and 3 is for those brave people with a tongue of steel. Myself, I like the spicy stuff. My lady love only wants one pepper.). You may want to rinse excess adobo sauce off the chipotles, & you shouldn't fight this temptation if it arises, although it's not a necessity. Wash & chop your cilantro.

Next, press your lime so that it renders more juice, then cut it into quarters.

Third, put everything (except the lime) into the blender, then grind some sea salt into the mix and squeeze ¾ of the lime segments. Blend for just long enough that you have no big chunks. We want a chunky salsa, but no massive tomato pieces. Put it all into a pretty little glass bowl.

Put your ‘zonitos into a magnificent circle formation around the edge of the plate, with your glass bowl of salsa in the center. Garnish with cilantro.

BOOM! CALZONES!