Crafting a Saw Blade Hand Axe to Defend Thyself From Hyena-Bears (and Other Threats)

Dear diary,

I have just woken up. It's 1502, and I appear to be in an abandoned hardware store. I have roughly 3 hours until the unspeakable horrors of the night appear.

Fortunately, I am resourceful! And unreasonably optimistic. And I have a hardware store! I shall craft a weapon to defend myself!

I shall document my doings, so that if anyone else ever finds themselves faced with unspeakable horrors and must defend themselves with a hardware store, they will be better prepared.

The plan is simple: put a circular saw blade on a stick. In order to make it sturdy, we'll need a steel bar and two unusually large nails.

The saw blade should be somewhere in the realm of 7 inches in diameter. The dowel is nothing special, just pick a size that fits well in your hand. The steel bar should be 1 inch wide. Mine is 3/16 thick, but this turned out to be overkill. It'll be much easier to bend if it's 1/8 or so. On the other hand, more metal never hurt anyone. The nails are marked 20D, which almost certainly means something. All we need them to be is a metal rod about 3/16 to 1/4 inch in diameter.

As far as tools go, we'll need to make do with the basics. I'm in a hardware store, so I have access to an angle grinder, a belt sander, and a sturdy vise. You could make do with sandpaper, a hacksaw, and a clamp. We'll also need a hammer and a drill. Somehow this hardware store is entirely void of ball-pean hammers, so I used the angle grinder to convince a regular hammer to have a ball pean. I also found that WD-40 is very helpful for drilling the hardened steel saw blade.

Not pictured is a hand saw, a file, and a tape measure (which could be replaced by a piece of string).

Line up the dowel and the saw as shown in the first image. The second image shows a side by side with the finished product. I have also used a sharpie to mark where I'm going to cut. The important "measurements" here are as follows:

- The handle should be a comfortable length, 6-8 inches below the blade.

- One vertical line, along the front of the dowel, stopping about halfway up the blade.

- One horizontal line about halfway up the blade, stopping at the vertical line.

One other thing to consider is how the blade is rotated. Align it such that a tooth is directly in contact with the dowel (third picture) and ensure you don't have to cut through any teeth.

Cut the saw blade along the two lines you marked. I initially just threw it in the vise, but I felt like it was going to vibrate all over the place and cause problems. To avoid this, I clamped two random pieces of wood along the cut line for rigidity.

If you're using an angle grinder, beware: the sparks can and will light things on fire. I had a pretty good smoking mound by the time I was done. Also, whenever you're using abrasive power tools, use goggles and some kind of breathing protection (ideally a respirator).

After the first cut, just rotate the blade and make the second cut. Your cuts will probably be jagged and messy, so file them smooth (or at least until they don't draw blood).

First, cut the dowel to an appropriate length, described in the 'Layout' step. Then, line up the dowel with the blade, and mark how deep the blade goes. Make a straight line from that mark to the top of the dowel, and mark across the top of the dowel. Put the dowel in the vise, and make the cut. Be careful to keep it straight and even. A bandsaw would make this a lot faster.

Unless the kerf (cut width) of your saw exactly matches your blade, there's no easy way to do this. Stick some sandpaper in the cut and widen it out until the blade fits. It should be snug, but not so tight it stresses the wood.

You might notice that the bottom of the blade wiggles a bit because it's not supported by the dowel. This step fixes that.

With the blade all the way in the handle, mark where the bottom edge meets the handle. Connect that mark with the bottom of the channel the blade sits in. Then, with the dowel in the vise, use an angle grinder to score the handle a 16th of an inch or so deep. Press the blade back in, embedding the lower portion into the dowel.

If you don't have an angle grinder or a way to make this cut, this step can be skipped. If you do skip this step, attaching the strap will be even fiddlier than it already is.

First, sand a flat spot on the upper inch or so of the handle. Try to make it transition nicely into the rest of the handle.

Mark near the top of the handle. Drill a hole just large enough for your nails through the handle and the blade, ensuring the blade is pressed into the handle completely. After you've started drilling the blade, take it out of the handle to finish the hole. Wd40 helps the bit cut better.

Run the nail through the hole, and cut it 2 mm away from the opposite side. Precision doesn't matter.

Pick up your hammer and go to town. Beat the nail until it can't move anymore. Ideally use a ball pean hammer, but a normal hammer will work. Do your best not to hit the handle or the blade.

Turns out a perfect cylinder doesn't make a great handle. The first image is more or less the profile we're going for. Take this opportunity to smoothe the bottom out, and round over any edges.

In case it wasn't obvious, accomplish all this by sanding.

Grab a measuring tape and wrap it around the back of the axe. Err on the longer side. Mark and cut the metal bar. Smooth the edges with a file or a belt sander, then take a deep breath and prepare yourself.

This took me several hours. The idea is to creatively bully the strap until it wraps around the axe. The exact process depends on the tools you have on hand, so rather than write a paragraph on what I did, I've provided some photographic highlights of things that worked well.

Just like last time, mark and drill a hole just big enough for your nail. Then mark and cut the nail longer than the hole, and wail on it until it doesn't move anymore. This works best if the other end of the nail is solidly supported (i.e. by concrete or metal, not wood.)

I have survived the night! My creation proved itself in combat against the formidable hyena-bear hordes. It seems, however, that it is not yet complete. It desperately wants to be dual-wielded.