How to Be a Terrible Bowler

This Instructable teaches you to be the best at being a terrible bowler. 

First off, nobody goes bowling just to bowl, unless you are in a league-- and nobody does that. 


For example, you can do what I did, go for my best friends birthday. 

Now it's time to purchase your game of bowling.  You must go to the counter and ask politely "How much for a game?". 

The usual response by the workers are "We are closing soon so bowl fast!"-- oh those crazy kids. 

Next, since the majority of us are not professionals, nor Malaki the bowling god, you need to get your shoes. I know what your thinking , those things are disgusting; but not to worry they spray them with an aerosol can like Batman does with his BatShark Repellent. 

Now it's time for the most important step to becoming the best of the worst bowlers, tie your bowling shoes. 

Don't forget to take your other shoes off first! Then you just look weird.

Oh! Also, Don't forget to wear socks, other wise your feet will smell like a hobo sandwich for weeks.

Now to go to the giant rack usually located at the back of the bowling alley to grab a bowling bowl. These heavy and dangerous balls are what lead you to the promise land of being the worst of the worst. 

Make sure to grab one that you can lift, otherwise you will be the worst of the worst instead of the best of the worst. 

If you wanna be the best of the worst this is the key-- nobody will talk smack to the nice guy who is bowling for the child and for America!

Now the easy part. Time to bowl!

Everyone has their own technique, most people will put their fingers in the holes designated on the ball for said fingers.

For the beginners this is how you bowl, it's called Granny Style. Walk up and roll the bowl at the pins with the bowl between your legs and your hands firmly holding it. 

Sorry for the quality of the image, I'm just so fast it's hard to catch me in action. 

After you have taken your turn, look up at the scoreboard and make sure your getting it done. 

Next you have to make sure you are staying fueled and energized to stay in the back of the pack. 

Any alcoholic beverage or energy drink should suffice. 

This usually happens after a few drinks and your friends have decided to pick some songs on the jukebox. 

This step just stare at the pins and study the floor, make sure you know exactly where you should hit. 

By now, things have not gone your way. You could take it out on the rude employees, your friends rooting for you to avenge American and help that little child, or you can do the sane thing-- Yell at the ball and squeeze it with all your might. 

It's the last frame and you have barely accomplished anything.  This should be the step that you see your success. 

If your score looks like mine, congratulations you are a terrible bowler. With these steps no one mocks you, everyone respects you, and the baby admires you.